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You’re unhappy where you are. How can you be sure you won’t be just as unhappy in a different town, asks Annalisa Barbieri
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As long as you expect your mother to be someone different, you will get hurt, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You are not your parents. You have your own choices and future, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Don’t run away from these feelings or dismiss them, says Annalisa Barbieri. You haven’t done anything wrong
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There may be an issue she isn’t discussing – she may not even be aware of it, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Looking stylish is a smokescreen, says Annalisa Barbieri, where and why did you learn to be quiet and invisible?
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I wonder if, far from disliking you, he actually quite likes and admires you, says Annalisa Barbieri. He clearly wants your attention
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He has been entirely selfish and you deserve better, says Annalisa Barbieri. It is time to move on
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You both need to say how you really feel – and be heard, says Annalisa Barbieri. Only then can you work out what happens next
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Have faith in your children. They won’t be turned against you so easily, says Annalisa Barbieri
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If she trusts him more than family, she’s at risk, says Annalisa Barbieri. The authorities can help, but you need to stay vigilant
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Fear will be at the root of it – so try to work out what she is afraid of, says Annalisa Barbieri
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With the wedding some way off, maybe now is the time to talk to your sister honestly, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Your dad’s issues are not your responsibility, says Annalisa Barbieri. His constant eroding of your self-esteem is entirely a reflection of him
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Is this about compatibility rather than sexual partners, wonders Annalisa Barbieri. You need to dig deeper into why her past hurts you
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You judge yourself harshly, says Annalisa Barbieri. Make peace with the past and be a more confident mother
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Your mother caused this rift, says Annalisa Barbieri. But if your sister really doesn’t want to be in contact, you should listen
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Put the emphasis on conversation, not confrontation, says Annalisa Barbieri. And invite him to spell out what he does and doesn’t want from life
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Children pick up on undercurrents, says Annalisa Barbieri. Look at this as a new chapter, but be clear in agreeing boundaries
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Big life transitions are hard, says Annalisa Barbieri. Maybe you are worried about him leaving you as he heads into adulthood
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You and your lover sound pretty selfish. Move on, but don’t forget about her, or you’ll make this mistake again, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You need to focus on what you’ve achieved in beating your addiction, says Annalisa Barbieri. Be calm and factual: tell him how it really was
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Your childhood neglect is at the heart of this, says Annalisa Barbieri. Try to give that little girl in you what she needs now, rather than hoping your friends will
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You have cast yourself as a rescuer, says Annalisa Barbieri, but it’s not your job to make everything OK
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Your trauma is not to blame for your husband’s infidelity, says Annalisa Barbieri. Therapy will help you focus on your own needs
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You should be asking yourself what you want, given how shabbily you have been treated, says Annalisa Barbieri. Don’t follow your wife’s orders
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In families people end up playing roles, says Annalisa Barbieri. Look at what’s happening beneath the surface
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A recent sexual assault and your shaky start in life means there’s a lot going on. It’s time to start attending to your needs, says Annalisa Barbieri
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When life is necessarily small, the more negative feelings we’ve managed to keep in abeyance can loom large, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You need to have an honest conversation, says Annalisa Barbieri, because if you feel pressured into doing something sexual, is it still consensual?
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Could she be angry and bitter as a defence against feeling sadness, pain, disappointment and possibly depression, asks Annalisa Barbieri
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Take responsibility for what you consider most important and let him do the rest in his own way, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You need to actively listen to each other’s fears. Compromise is the best way forward, says Annalisa Barbieri
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He admits he has been a bad husband. What makes you think he will not make an equally rubbish secret boyfriend, asks Annalisa Barbieri
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Yes – this won’t be one conversation but many, says Annalisa Barbieri. Think of telling him less as an event, more a process
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Be aware that there are two types of DNA test, and prepare yourself for answers you aren’t expecting, says Annalisa Barbieri
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This is a home without boundaries, says Annalisa Barbieri, and your daughter needs to take control
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Take time to ponder if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who was never really with you in the first place, says Annalisa Barbieri
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It sounds as if you’ve never discussed ground rules, says Annalisa Barbieri, and that you have different ideas of what is permissible
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He can’t sacrifice himself for his girlfriend, however ill she may get, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Nearly every family has a ‘fixer’ but when you can’t fix everyone, says Annalisa Barbieri, it’s time to step back
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In trying to protect your child from pain, you haven’t established enough boundaries around you and your ex, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You were failed by the adults around you, says Annalisa Barbieri, and must now put yourself first
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Look at this from your daughter’s point of view, says Annalisa Barbieri. This must be hard enough for her to take in, without catching you in bed with him
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You need to draw a line that can’t be crossed, says Annalisa Barbieri. Either he seeks treatment or you leave
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Before you do anything drastic, you may want to look at things a bit differently, says Annalisa Barbieri
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People stay in touch with exes for all sorts of reasons. Some do it to bolster their ego, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Only you can decide what the boundaries are, says Annalisa Barbieri, but you must know in your heart your mother is never going to change
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This isn’t what you want to hear, says Annalisa Barbieri, but to give yourself a chance at a meaningful relationship, you need to do some work on yourself
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You can’t have a relationship without communication – and you are not a bank, says Annalisa Barbieri
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This is less about what people think about you – more about being part of the joy of your son’s big day, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Your son may be wondering more about the family history and not know how to ask, says our expert Annalisa Barbieri
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She should be told, advises Annalisa Barbieri, and how you deliver the news is super important
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It sounds as if she needs someone to bear witness to her, says Annalisa Barbieri, but it doesn’t have to be you
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Your son needs to be prepared for your departures, says Annalisa Barbieri – and for your returns
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The only answer is to go back to the beginning: do what your grandmother wanted, but perhaps with some caveats, says our expert Annalisa Barbieri
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Just reading your letter made me want to scream, says Annalisa Barbieri. But while she will not change, your situation will
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Look at what emotions surface in you when your husband does the ‘recycled humour’, says Annalisa Barbieri, and ask what you need in that moment
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What you do next is up to you, says Annalisa Barbieri. You have no responsibility to report him, and none for his behaviour
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More reality, less fantasy, will help you understand who you are and what you really want, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Unless you work on the causes, says Annalisa Barbieri, simply clearing out someone’s house doesn’t work – they will just start hoarding again
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The big question you have to ask is, what do you hope to achieve by telling them? There are other people you can talk to, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Study, make the best of what you have and leave your mother to her life, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Answer her questions factually and simply, says Annalisa Barbieri, and don’t be afraid of her worry – some stress is essential for development
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It’s important to ask yourself whose agenda this is, says Annalisa Barbieri, and whether they really want help
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The adults here seem to have made a mess of the situation by failing to set clear boundaries, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Traumatic memories can condemn you to reliving the past over and over. It may be useful, says Annalisa Barbieri, to seek professional help
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You are being naive if you think having sex only once with someone else will be the end of it, says Annalisa Barbieri
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His problems are not your responsibility – don’t think you can save him, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Tell your mum not to give out personal details and be wary if the person comes out with a sob story, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You want to protect your children, but they are adults. Don’t put yourself at the centre of conflict, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You have a good bond and a great ability to communicate. Use it as a springboard to being independent of one another, says Annalisa Barbieri
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People and relationships are complex – and expecting perfection will only lead to disappointment, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Something is clearly going on with your son, and you need to find out what, says Annalisa Barbieri
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My hunch is that you want to move on, but you’re scared, says Annalisa Barbieri
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If you want to try to mend things, you need to pick your best mode of communication, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Secrets in families are rarely a good idea, says Annalisa Barbieri
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If you feel like this two years in, I fear your resentment can only grow, says Annalisa Barbieri
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It’s important to show your support, without making demands, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Many people in long-distance relationships really like the bits in between meeting up, says Annalisa Barbieri
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The responsibility for this lies with the perpetrator alone, says Annalisa Barbieri. You are not to blame: he is
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Don’t bury your negative feelings, says Annalisa Barbieri. It’s good to face them and move on
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You may not want to cook or eat together, but let him know how you feel without making his choices seem invalid, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Despite your protestations of ‘it’s OK’ I do think you are worried about it, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Your parents saying those things doesn’t make them true, says Annalisa Barbieri. As you get older, you will start to see yourself differently
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Put intercourse aside for now, says Annalisa Barbieri, and think about sensuality without a goal
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It is easy to vilify the one who has been unfaithful, says Annalisa Barbieri, but they are often firing a distress flare on a relationship that’s already in trouble
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Follow your instinct, says Annalisa Barbieri. But remember lots of people haven’t found their feet by 20
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Separate the emotional from the practical, says Annalisa Barbieri, and focus on the things you can do, rather than the things you can’t
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You must feel enormous shock, but don’t project this anger on to your sons, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Your reaction is understandable but a little extreme, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Resist the urge to over-explain yourself, says Annalisa Barbieri – you have nothing to apologise for
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It’s hard to urge a parent to get help, says Annalisa Barbieri, but he needs support to adapt
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Your son is entering adolescence, a period of huge change, says Annalisa Barbieri. He may be scared of losing you
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Try to work out what’s at the bottom of it, says Annalisa Barbieri, and start acting like adults
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Try to take the emotion out of the situation, says Annalisa Barbieri, and always put the children first
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You have lost a lot and so has your husband, says Annalisa Barbieri. But you need to adjust your sexual expectations
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How will you feel, asks Annalisa Barbieri, knowing you have not carried out her final wish?
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Try to understand what’s going on, says Annalisa Barbieri, and take control where you can
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What you endured was inhumane and cruel, says Annalisa Barbieri. People do make complaints about historical childhood abuse and get resolution
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Just as your body develops, so does your mind, says Annalisa Barbieri. With experience, you learn to deal with tricky moments in your life
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Are you worried that you are complicit simply by knowing about it? Because you are not, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You sound incredibly passive, says Annalisa Barbieri. This woman could be prosecuted if they are having sex
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You need to learn to build emotional boundaries, says Annalisa Barbieri
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I know it’s hard, says Annalisa Barbieri, but don’t go there
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Give her time and space to try to begin to explain what’s wrong, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You may not want to hear this, says Annalisa Barbieri, but more therapeutic talk is the key here
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‘Some members of a family don’t deserve to be let in,’ says Annalisa Barbieri, ‘and this is one of those cases’
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You can’t force your mum into therapy, says Annalisa Barbieri, but it may be something
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How often a couple have sex is a problem only if they don’t agree, says Annalisa Barbieri, and you don’t
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In a family where everyone is normalising what happened, it’s hard to chuck a grenade at it, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You seem to want to make things better, says Annalisa Barbieri, but something (perhaps your husband?) is holding you back
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Stop trying to convince your girlfriend to come round to your way of thinking, says Annalisa Barbieri. You have to find a way together for your relationship to flourish
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It’s imperative you leave home, says Annalisa Barbieri, and soon
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Being what you may think of as thin or pretty doesn’t change how you feel inside, says Annalisa Barbieri
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If you were hoping to add to his repertoire or experience, you will have failed, says Annalisa Barbieri
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You say you don’t want to consult a lawyer, but I’m afraid there is no option if he’s refusing to sell, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Say no for now, but she can have one at high school if you think she is mature enough, says Annalisa Barbieri
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It’s very much all about you and what you’re not getting, says Annalisa Barbieri. But she seems to have the power and it might be that when you’re about to leave that she listens
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You need to step back when you feel so overwhelmed, says Annalisa Barbieri
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My dad was volatile and his mother sexually abused me, but is it my duty to get back in touch? No, says Annalisa Barbieri, only see him if you want to
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It’s not fair, but your sister probably feels life hasn’t been very fair lately. Leave the door open, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Rather than blame your genitalia for everything that’s gone wrong, says Annalisa Barbieri, try to work out where the real problem lies
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You are not going to make them change, says Annalisa Barbieri, but education is your way out – it won’t always be like this
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I have been through something similar, says Annalisa Barbieri. Try joking it off – or face the problem head on
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It’s not cool enough and it’s the wrong colour. I think she’s being ungrateful but am I out of touch? No, says Annalisa Barbieri, but let her make her own mistakes
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Your parents seem to have fuelled the resentment – try talking away from your mother, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Protective software is not the solution, says Annalisa Barbieri. Far better to have a discussion with him instead
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My manipulative, abusive brother got Mum to alter her will in his favour. I want to cut off from him. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I want to spend my life with him, but our constant arguments make me feel sad and like a shell of myself. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My husband is a binge-drinker who has had an affair, my mother maligns me and my daughter ignores any boundaries I set. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He has an explosive temper and his viewing habits make me worry about how deep his anger is. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My mother was emotionally distant, my father and I fought, and I attempted suicide in my teens. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He has confessed to going to sex parties to meet other partners. Am I nuts to stay with him? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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She is the best aunt and worships her younger daughter, but she is far too strict with the elder child, who has become angry and unhappy. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I am plagued by a sense that my loneliness might be terminal and that love and romance will pass me by. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He wants to sell up and use the cash for our retirement and children, but the house is hugely important to me. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’m drawn to both women in different ways and want to settle down. But I can’t make a choice. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I have severed links with my brother and refused to see my mother for two years. But I feel guilty. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My fiancee and I recently had a baby and I think this has made me reflect on my parents’ loveless marriage. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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She has always loved the remote island where her dad’s family live, but is starting to miss it with great intensity. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I want to be honest with her, but I don’t want to ruin our relationship. And I don’t know whether her father is my ex-husband or a friend of his. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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She has always been picky, but is now withdrawn at mealtimes and nervous at the prospect of eating. I am concerned for her mental and physical health, and also that of her younger sister. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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At first she made me promise to ‘stop being trans’ but now acts as if I never told her – and I daren’t tell my dad. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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She has contacted me to say she is sorry. My brother refuses to see her, but she wants to see our mother, her grandmother. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He has always been bullish and uncommunicative, and he has no friends. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My relationship with my husband feels more like one between mother and son than between equals. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My daughter has borderline personality disorder and wants me and her father to fly out to see her. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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At 42, I feel time is running out to grow our family but feel terribly conflicted, anxious, guilty, and frightened. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I don’t know how my children and I will survive after he sells the home we live in. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’m a single mum living with my mother, and it’s destroying our relationship. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He was horrible to my sister and me and bullied my mum, who is no longer with him. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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Her self-esteem is at rock bottom and when at home she mostly stays in her room. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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She is in her 50s and has always been happy and busy. Now, though, my dad is at work all day and she has struggled to meet new friends. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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As a child, I was criticised and never given love. The past has hindered my life. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He says he stuck around until they left home to protect them from a messy split – and I knew we were incompatible once we had finished raising our family. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He works away from home during the week and wants us to move near to his job. It would be better for him and our children, but I’m really torn. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I can’t stop thinking about her – what should I do? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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IVF failed and I’m on antidepressants, and I yearn to live somewhere calm and peaceful. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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Before they got engaged, he had a secret relationship with my sibling. Should I suck it up or stay loyal to my family? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’m 55, self-contained and confident – but everyone I meet seems too needy or too dull. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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While he refuses to marry, I’m having tantrums of unexplained anger. Can this impasse be resolved, or do we need to split up? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I had mental health problems as a teen and my cousin’s mother is acting the same way mine did. I fear that history will repeat itself. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He is petrified of having his advances rejected, and I would like counselling to dispel negative thoughts related to sex. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He doesn’t want children and I am mostly resigned to that and would prefer to have someone in my life. But I worry that I am just settling, or using him. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I don’t know how to explain that a child would not wish to be in contact with their own mother. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I used to spend a lot of time with her and her children, but I feel she has lost interest in me since I moved away and married. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I find it hard to believe any man would not want sex with her, but won’t confront her unless she goes further. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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After three months together, he suddenly called it off saying that he wasn’t ready to move on. I’m devastated – what should I do? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My parents separated when I was young, and I stopped visiting him when I was 10: he made me feel unwanted. Later, I was told he abused my mum. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My boyfriend lives 1,500 miles away and won’t move to be near me. I won’t move to be near him. Can we go on like this? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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Our children have never met some of their aunts and uncles on my husband’s side of the family. What can we do to repair relationships? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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We live abroad and have no family support. I think he’s terribly selfish but when I complain, he thinks I’m being unreasonable. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’ve pleaded with them to take some action, and said I’m their daughter, not their counsellor. But the state of their relationship has become horrific. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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He is 40, has no money or friends, but won’t take any responsibility for his life, always playing the victim. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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Many friends are in relationships, and I worry we have nothing in common. I know I have a lot of life left to live, but I feel dread about what is coming next. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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Living with my parents to pay off university debts is exhausting me. Am I being spoilt? Part of me no longer cares. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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We seem so different now that we are adults, and I long for a return to the closeness we had as children. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My skin crawls to think that my father’s blood runs in my veins and I’m afraid to talk about my discovery with my mother. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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