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Annalisa Barbieri

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1 Jan 10:00am My mum lied to me about having an affair. How can I trust her?
The Guardian
As long as you expect your mother to be someone different, you will get hurt, says Annalisa Barbieri
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11 Dec 2020, 10:00am My relationship is not quite perfect: if we get married, is it doomed?
The Guardian
You are not your parents. You have your own choices and future, says Annalisa Barbieri
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4 Dec 2020, 10:00am I feel excluded from my father’s life. How can I make things better?
The Guardian
Don’t run away from these feelings or dismiss them, says Annalisa Barbieri. You haven’t done anything wrong
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20 Nov 2020, 10:00am My 10-year-old has started sleeping in my bed. Am I wrong to allow it?
The Guardian
There may be an issue she isn’t discussing – she may not even be aware of it, says Annalisa Barbieri
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13 Nov 2020, 10:00am I am not attractive to others. Would life be better if I made more effort?
The Guardian
Looking stylish is a smokescreen, says Annalisa Barbieri, where and why did you learn to be quiet and invisible?
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6 Nov 2020, 10:00am My father-in-law criticises my parenting. How do I deal with that?
The Guardian
I wonder if, far from disliking you, he actually quite likes and admires you, says Annalisa Barbieri. He clearly wants your attention
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30 Oct 2020, 11:00am My soulmate married someone else. Am I wasting my life waiting for him?
The Guardian
He has been entirely selfish and you deserve better, says Annalisa Barbieri. It is time to move on
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23 Oct 2020, 10:00am I want to move back to the UK. How can I convince my husband to give it a try? | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
You both need to say how you really feel – and be heard, says Annalisa Barbieri. Only then can you work out what happens next
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16 Oct 2020, 10:00am My in-laws are manipulating our children. How do I stop them? | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
Have faith in your children. They won’t be turned against you so easily, says Annalisa Barbieri
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9 Oct 2020, 10:00am A younger man has befriended my grandmother. I worry he’s a threat
The Guardian
If she trusts him more than family, she’s at risk, says Annalisa Barbieri. The authorities can help, but you need to stay vigilant
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25 Sep 2020, 10:00am I’ve fallen out with my mother over her racist views. Should I reach out?
The Guardian
Fear will be at the root of it – so try to work out what she is afraid of, says Annalisa Barbieri
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18 Sep 2020, 10:00am My sister’s getting married. How can I go if I’m afraid of my stepdad?
The Guardian
With the wedding some way off, maybe now is the time to talk to your sister honestly, says Annalisa Barbieri
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11 Sep 2020, 10:00am My father always put me down. Do I have to pretend to like him? | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
Your dad’s issues are not your responsibility, says Annalisa Barbieri. His constant eroding of your self-esteem is entirely a reflection of him
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4 Sep 2020, 10:00am I love my partner. But can I come to terms with her sexual history? | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
Is this about compatibility rather than sexual partners, wonders Annalisa Barbieri. You need to dig deeper into why her past hurts you
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28 Aug 2020, 10:00am I left my baby to cry at night for a week – is it my fault she’s an anxious child?
The Guardian
You judge yourself harshly, says Annalisa Barbieri. Make peace with the past and be a more confident mother
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21 Aug 2020, 10:00am My sister says she doesn’t want to see me. Should I give up on her? | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
Your mother caused this rift, says Annalisa Barbieri. But if your sister really doesn’t want to be in contact, you should listen
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14 Aug 2020, 10:00am Why does my boyfriend make jokes when I try to discuss our future?
The Guardian
Put the emphasis on conversation, not confrontation, says Annalisa Barbieri. And invite him to spell out what he does and doesn’t want from life
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7 Aug 2020, 10:00am I feel ashamed that my marriage is over: how can I tell our young son?
The Guardian
Children pick up on undercurrents, says Annalisa Barbieri. Look at this as a new chapter, but be clear in agreeing boundaries
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31 Jul 2020, 10:00am I’m terrified that I will die, leaving my son. How can I cope?
The Guardian
Big life transitions are hard, says Annalisa Barbieri. Maybe you are worried about him leaving you as he heads into adulthood
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24 Jul 2020, 10:00am Should I end my affair with a married woman who has a young child?
The Guardian
You and your lover sound pretty selfish. Move on, but don’t forget about her, or you’ll make this mistake again, says Annalisa Barbieri
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17 Jul 2020, 10:00am How do I teach my son not to take drugs when I did myself?
The Guardian
You need to focus on what you’ve achieved in beating your addiction, says Annalisa Barbieri. Be calm and factual: tell him how it really was
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10 Jul 2020, 10:00am I struggle to make and keep friends. What am I doing wrong?
The Guardian
Your childhood neglect is at the heart of this, says Annalisa Barbieri. Try to give that little girl in you what she needs now, rather than hoping your friends will
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3 Jul 2020, 10:00am My half-sister has rejected my parents. Who is really to blame?
The Guardian
You have cast yourself as a rescuer, says Annalisa Barbieri, but it’s not your job to make everything OK
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12 Jun 2020, 10:00am Is my husband’s affair linked to my childhood abuse? | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
Your trauma is not to blame for your husband’s infidelity, says Annalisa Barbieri. Therapy will help you focus on your own needs
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5 Jun 2020, 10:00am My wife wants me to have an affair with her best friend. What shall I do? | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
You should be asking yourself what you want, given how shabbily you have been treated, says Annalisa Barbieri. Don’t follow your wife’s orders
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29 May 2020, 10:00am Should I give my brother financial advice or mind my own business?
The Guardian
In families people end up playing roles, says Annalisa Barbieri. Look at what’s happening beneath the surface
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15 May 2020, 10:00am How can I overcome past traumas while I still live with my mother?
The Guardian
A recent sexual assault and your shaky start in life means there’s a lot going on. It’s time to start attending to your needs, says Annalisa Barbieri
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8 May 2020, 10:00am I am used to living alone. Why has lockdown made me feel invisible? | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
When life is necessarily small, the more negative feelings we’ve managed to keep in abeyance can loom large, says Annalisa Barbieri
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1 May 2020, 10:00am My boyfriend has sexual kinks I find abhorrent. How can we resolve our differences?
The Guardian
You need to have an honest conversation, says Annalisa Barbieri, because if you feel pressured into doing something sexual, is it still consensual?
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17 Apr 2020, 10:00am Why has my mother become so critical of others as she ages?
The Guardian
Could she be angry and bitter as a defence against feeling sadness, pain, disappointment and possibly depression, asks Annalisa Barbieri
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3 Apr 2020, 10:00am How can I shift some of the mental load of family life on to my husband?
The Guardian
Take responsibility for what you consider most important and let him do the rest in his own way, says Annalisa Barbieri
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27 Mar 2020, 11:00am My husband and I can’t agree on our future after IVF. How do we move on?
The Guardian
You need to actively listen to each other’s fears. Compromise is the best way forward, says Annalisa Barbieri
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20 Mar 2020, 11:00am I am single and in my 70s. Should I have an affair with a married man?
The Guardian
He admits he has been a bad husband. What makes you think he will not make an equally rubbish secret boyfriend, asks Annalisa Barbieri
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13 Mar 2020, 11:00am Should we tell my grandson his father is a drug addict?
The Guardian
Yes – this won’t be one conversation but many, says Annalisa Barbieri. Think of telling him less as an event, more a process
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28 Feb 2020, 10:00am I want to know who my father was. Should I take a DNA test?
The Guardian
Be aware that there are two types of DNA test, and prepare yourself for answers you aren’t expecting, says Annalisa Barbieri
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21 Feb 2020, 10:00am My daughter can’t say no to her young children. How can I help?
The Guardian
This is a home without boundaries, says Annalisa Barbieri, and your daughter needs to take control
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14 Feb 2020, 10:00am Should I forgive my husband for cheating on me with his ex-wife?
The Guardian
Take time to ponder if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who was never really with you in the first place, says Annalisa Barbieri
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7 Feb 2020, 10:00am My partner and I tried a threesome. Then she kissed someone without me
The Guardian
It sounds as if you’ve never discussed ground rules, says Annalisa Barbieri, and that you have different ideas of what is permissible
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24 Jan 2020, 10:00am My son’s girlfriend has an eating disorder. What can I do to help him?
The Guardian
He can’t sacrifice himself for his girlfriend, however ill she may get, says Annalisa Barbieri
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17 Jan 2020, 10:00am How can I heal a terrible rift between my brothers?
The Guardian
Nearly every family has a ‘fixer’ but when you can’t fix everyone, says Annalisa Barbieri, it’s time to step back
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10 Jan 2020, 10:00am My ex’s partner is forcing me to lie to my daughter. Should I refuse?
The Guardian
In trying to protect your child from pain, you haven’t established enough boundaries around you and your ex, says Annalisa Barbieri
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27 Dec 2019, 10:00am I was abused as a child. Should I tell my mother?
The Guardian
You were failed by the adults around you, says Annalisa Barbieri, and must now put yourself first
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15 Nov 2019, 10:00am My daughter has hated me since I met the man of my dreams
The Guardian
Look at this from your daughter’s point of view, says Annalisa Barbieri. This must be hard enough for her to take in, without catching you in bed with him
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1 Nov 2019, 11:00am My husband is kind – but his drinking is out of control
The Guardian
You need to draw a line that can’t be crossed, says Annalisa Barbieri. Either he seeks treatment or you leave
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25 Oct 2019, 10:00am My boyfriend doesn’t seem to be attracted to me. Could he be gay?
The Guardian
Before you do anything drastic, you may want to look at things a bit differently, says Annalisa Barbieri
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18 Oct 2019, 10:01am My partner’s ex texts him every day. Should I be worried?
The Guardian
People stay in touch with exes for all sorts of reasons. Some do it to bolster their ego, says Annalisa Barbieri
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11 Oct 2019, 10:00am How can I keep my distance from my mother?
The Guardian
Only you can decide what the boundaries are, says Annalisa Barbieri, but you must know in your heart your mother is never going to change
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4 Oct 2019, 10:00am I had sex with my ex. What should I do?
The Guardian
This isn’t what you want to hear, says Annalisa Barbieri, but to give yourself a chance at a meaningful relationship, you need to do some work on yourself
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27 Sep 2019, 10:00am Should my partner use our money to subsidise his adult sons?
The Guardian
You can’t have a relationship without communication – and you are not a bank, says Annalisa Barbieri
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20 Sep 2019, 10:00am Should I go to my son’s wedding? His mother poisoned everyone against me
The Guardian
This is less about what people think about you – more about being part of the joy of your son’s big day, says Annalisa Barbieri
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13 Sep 2019, 9:59am My son grieves for the great grandfather he has never met
The Guardian
Your son may be wondering more about the family history and not know how to ask, says our expert Annalisa Barbieri
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6 Sep 2019, 10:00am Should I tell my sister her father might not be her father?
The Guardian
She should be told, advises Annalisa Barbieri, and how you deliver the news is super important
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30 Aug 2019, 10:00am I can’t cope with my mother’s traumatic wartime memories | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
It sounds as if she needs someone to bear witness to her, says Annalisa Barbieri, but it doesn’t have to be you
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23 Aug 2019, 9:59am My two-year-old has become a bully while I’m working abroad
The Guardian
Your son needs to be prepared for your departures, says Annalisa Barbieri – and for your returns
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16 Aug 2019, 10:00am I am under pressure to ignore my grandmother’s will | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
The only answer is to go back to the beginning: do what your grandmother wanted, but perhaps with some caveats, says our expert Annalisa Barbieri
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9 Aug 2019, 10:00am My selfish mother-in-law treats our home like a hotel
The Guardian
Just reading your letter made me want to scream, says Annalisa Barbieri. But while she will not change, your situation will
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2 Aug 2019, 10:00am I’m beginning to find my husband’s humour a turnoff
The Guardian
Look at what emotions surface in you when your husband does the ‘recycled humour’, says Annalisa Barbieri, and ask what you need in that moment
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26 Jul 2019, 10:00am I was abused as a child by my stepbrother. How can I move on?
The Guardian
What you do next is up to you, says Annalisa Barbieri. You have no responsibility to report him, and none for his behaviour
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19 Jul 2019, 10:00am I’m 34 and still a virgin. What’s wrong with me?
The Guardian
More reality, less fantasy, will help you understand who you are and what you really want, says Annalisa Barbieri
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12 Jul 2019, 10:00am Our mum’s hoarding and debt problems are out of control
The Guardian
Unless you work on the causes, says Annalisa Barbieri, simply clearing out someone’s house doesn’t work – they will just start hoarding again
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5 Jul 2019, 10:00am Should I tell my children their late father had an affair?
The Guardian
The big question you have to ask is, what do you hope to achieve by telling them? There are other people you can talk to, says Annalisa Barbieri
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28 Jun 2019, 10:00am I am at university but dread going home to see my mother
The Guardian
Study, make the best of what you have and leave your mother to her life, says Annalisa Barbieri
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21 Jun 2019, 10:00am My toddler saw her grandma take a bad fall: how can I calm her fears?
The Guardian
Answer her questions factually and simply, says Annalisa Barbieri, and don’t be afraid of her worry – some stress is essential for development
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14 Jun 2019, 10:00am I think my mother and sister are autistic. What should I do?
The Guardian
It’s important to ask yourself whose agenda this is, says Annalisa Barbieri, and whether they really want help
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7 Jun 2019, 10:00am My husband was a sperm donor. Now the mother is making demands
The Guardian
The adults here seem to have made a mess of the situation by failing to set clear boundaries, says Annalisa Barbieri
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31 May 2019, 10:00am I saw my father kill himself when I was nine years old
The Guardian
Traumatic memories can condemn you to reliving the past over and over. It may be useful, says Annalisa Barbieri, to seek professional help
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24 May 2019, 10:00am I’m marrying my first love, but am curious about BDSM
The Guardian
You are being naive if you think having sex only once with someone else will be the end of it, says Annalisa Barbieri
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17 May 2019, 9:59am My partner drinks too much
The Guardian
His problems are not your responsibility – don’t think you can save him, says Annalisa Barbieri
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10 May 2019, 9:59am How can I help my 76-year-old mother date safely online?
The Guardian
Tell your mum not to give out personal details and be wary if the person comes out with a sob story, says Annalisa Barbieri
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3 May 2019, 10:00am How do I stop my ex’s wife ruining our daughter’s wedding?
The Guardian
You want to protect your children, but they are adults. Don’t put yourself at the centre of conflict, says Annalisa Barbieri
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26 Apr 2019, 10:00am My daughter self-harms. Will she cope when she goes to university?
The Guardian
You have a good bond and a great ability to communicate. Use it as a springboard to being independent of one another, says Annalisa Barbieri
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12 Apr 2019, 10:00am My dying grandfather has confessed to a string of affairs and a love child
The Guardian
People and relationships are complex – and expecting perfection will only lead to disappointment, says Annalisa Barbieri
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5 Apr 2019, 10:00am My son’s behaviour towards his sister and me is inappropriate
The Guardian
Something is clearly going on with your son, and you need to find out what, says Annalisa Barbieri
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29 Mar 2019, 10:59am In many ways my husband was perfect – but I left him. Was I too hasty?
The Guardian
My hunch is that you want to move on, but you’re scared, says Annalisa Barbieri
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22 Mar 2019, 11:00am My sister acts as though she hates me and I can’t bear it
The Guardian
If you want to try to mend things, you need to pick your best mode of communication, says Annalisa Barbieri
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15 Mar 2019, 10:59am My son has special needs. Should I tell him I’m not his biological father?
The Guardian
Secrets in families are rarely a good idea, says Annalisa Barbieri
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8 Mar 2019, 10:00am I feel trapped in the small town my partner loves
The Guardian
If you feel like this two years in, I fear your resentment can only grow, says Annalisa Barbieri
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1 Mar 2019, 10:00am My sister is being abused by her husband. What can I do?
The Guardian
It’s important to show your support, without making demands, says Annalisa Barbieri
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22 Feb 2019, 10:00am I can’t get over my long-distance ex-girlfriend
The Guardian
Many people in long-distance relationships really like the bits in between meeting up, says Annalisa Barbieri
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15 Feb 2019, 10:00am I was raped. I don’t know whether to tell my boyfriend
The Guardian
The responsibility for this lies with the perpetrator alone, says Annalisa Barbieri. You are not to blame: he is
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8 Feb 2019, 10:00am I’m dreading meeting my ex and his new partner at a wedding
The Guardian
Don’t bury your negative feelings, says Annalisa Barbieri. It’s good to face them and move on
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1 Feb 2019, 10:00am My partner has turned vegan and I am seething about it
The Guardian
You may not want to cook or eat together, but let him know how you feel without making his choices seem invalid, says Annalisa Barbieri
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25 Jan 2019, 10:00am My 10-year-old son enjoys wearing girls’ underwear
The Guardian
Despite your protestations of ‘it’s OK’ I do think you are worried about it, says Annalisa Barbieri
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18 Jan 2019, 10:00am My parents say I’m ugly and wish they’d never had me
The Guardian
Your parents saying those things doesn’t make them true, says Annalisa Barbieri. As you get older, you will start to see yourself differently
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11 Jan 2019, 10:00am My husband hasn’t given me an orgasm for three years
The Guardian
Put ­intercourse aside for now, says Annalisa Barbieri, and think about sensuality without a goal
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4 Jan 2019, 10:00am How do I talk to my father about his infidelity?
The Guardian
It is easy to vilify the one who has been unfaithful, says Annalisa Barbieri, but they are often firing a distress flare on a relationship that’s already in trouble
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28 Dec 2018, 10:00am My adult son is lazy. Should I kick him out?
The Guardian
Follow your instinct, says Annalisa Barbieri. But remember lots of people haven’t found their feet by 20
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21 Dec 2018, 10:00am I long to be a hands-on grandmother
The Guardian
Separate the emotional from the practical, says Annalisa Barbieri, and focus on the things you can do, rather than the things you can’t
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14 Dec 2018, 10:00am My brother’s in jail for sexually abusing my niece, yet my sons blame her – have I raised two monsters?
The Guardian
You must feel enormous shock, but don’t project this anger on to your sons, says Annalisa Barbieri
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30 Nov 2018, 10:00am I feel my brothers are abandoning me this Christmas
The Guardian
Your reaction is understandable but a little extreme, says Annalisa Barbieri
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23 Nov 2018, 10:00am People keep asking why I don’t have children. I don’t know what to say
The Guardian
Resist the urge to over-explain yourself, says Annalisa Barbieri – you have nothing to apologise for
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16 Nov 2018, 10:00am My dad is being made redundant and I fear for his mental health
The Guardian
It’s hard to urge a parent to get help, says Annalisa Barbieri, but he needs support to adapt
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My son is jealous at the idea of me meeting a new man 9 Nov 2018, 10:00am My son is jealous at the idea of me meeting a new man
The Guardian
Your son is entering adolescence, a period of huge change, says Annalisa Barbieri. He may be scared of losing you
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2 Nov 2018, 11:00am My family is split by my sister’s hostility
The Guardian
Try to work out what’s at the bottom of it, says Annalisa Barbieri, and start acting like adults
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I fear I am about to lose touch with my grandchildren 26 Oct 2018, 10:00am I fear I am about to lose touch with my grandchildren
The Guardian
Try to take the emotion out of the situation, says Annalisa Barbieri, and always put the children first
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My husband’s illnesses have ruined our sex life 19 Oct 2018, 10:00am My husband’s illnesses have ruined our sex life
The Guardian
You have lost a lot and so has your husband, says Annalisa Barbieri. But you need to adjust your sexual expectations
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Our mother wants to donate her body and we don’t want her to 12 Oct 2018, 10:00am Our mother wants to donate her body and we don’t want her to
The Guardian
How will you feel, asks Annalisa Barbieri, knowing you have not carried out her final wish?
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How can I stop worrying about not having a second child? 5 Oct 2018, 10:00am How can I stop worrying about not having a second child?
The Guardian
Try to understand what’s going on, says Annalisa Barbieri, and take control where you can
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My mother abused me as a child. Can I report her now? 28 Sep 2018, 10:00am My mother abused me as a child. Can I report her now?
The Guardian
What you endured was inhumane and cruel, says Annalisa Barbieri. People do make complaints about historical childhood abuse and get resolution
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I’m 12, and frightened about growing up 21 Sep 2018, 10:00am I’m 12, and frightened about growing up
The Guardian
Just as your body develops, so does your mind, says Annalisa Barbieri. With experience, you learn to deal with tricky moments in your life
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My friend has had an affair. How can I help her if I think she’s done wrong? 14 Sep 2018, 9:59am My friend has had an affair. How can I help her if I think she’s done wrong?
The Guardian
Are you worried that you are complicit simply by knowing about it? Because you are not, says Annalisa Barbieri
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24 Aug 2018, 10:00am My 15-year-old son is spending the night with his older girlfriend
The Guardian
You sound incredibly passive, says Annalisa Barbieri. This woman could be prosecuted if they are having sex
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My mother drinks all day and refuses help 3 Aug 2018, 10:00am My mother drinks all day and refuses help
The Guardian
You need to learn to build emotional boundaries, says Annalisa Barbieri
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I’ve been in love with the ‘wrong’ man for a decade 27 Jul 2018, 10:00am I’ve been in love with the ‘wrong’ man for a decade
The Guardian
I know it’s hard, says Annalisa Barbieri, but don’t go there
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How can we help my violent young granddaughter? 20 Jul 2018, 10:00am How can we help my violent young granddaughter?
The Guardian
Give her time and space to try to begin to explain what’s wrong, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Being sexually abused as a child has left me unable to trust partners 6 Jul 2018, 10:00am Being sexually abused as a child has left me unable to trust partners
The Guardian
You may not want to hear this, says Annalisa Barbieri, but more therapeutic talk is the key here
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Should I let my violent father meet my daughter? 29 Jun 2018, 9:59am Should I let my violent father meet my daughter?
The Guardian
‘Some members of a family don’t deserve to be let in,’ says Annalisa Barbieri, ‘and this is one of those cases’
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22 Jun 2018, 10:00am I want to cut off contact with my mother – but worry about my sister
The Guardian
You can’t force your mum into therapy, says Annalisa Barbieri, but it may be something
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15 Jun 2018, 10:00am My husband refuses to address his low libido
The Guardian
How often a couple have sex is a problem only if they don’t agree, says Annalisa Barbieri, and you don’t
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My brother-in-law sexually assaulted me but my family don’t care | Ask Annalisa Barbieri 1 Jun 2018, 10:00am My brother-in-law sexually assaulted me but my family don’t care | Ask Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
In a family where everyone is normalising what happened, it’s hard to chuck a grenade at it, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Our relationship with our 32-year-old daughter has broken down 25 May 2018, 10:00am Our relationship with our 32-year-old daughter has broken down
The Guardian
You seem to want to make things better, says Annalisa Barbieri, but something (perhaps your husband?) is holding you back
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18 May 2018, 10:00am My partner and I parent our children very differenty | Ask Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
Stop trying to convince your girlfriend to come round to your way of thinking, says Annalisa Barbieri. You have to find a way together for your relationship to flourish
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11 May 2018, 10:00am My parents think I’m a failure
The Guardian
It’s imperative you leave home, says Annalisa Barbieri, and soon
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4 May 2018, 10:00am I am 13 and hate what I see in the mirror
The Guardian
Being what you may think of as thin or pretty doesn’t change how you feel inside, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Was I right to pay for a prostitute for my husband? 27 Apr 2018, 10:00am Was I right to pay for a prostitute for my husband?
The Guardian
If you were hoping to add to his repertoire or experience, you will have failed, says Annalisa Barbieri
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My ex-partner refuses to sell the jointly owned flat where we live with our children 14 Apr 2018, 4:00am My ex-partner refuses to sell the jointly owned flat where we live with our children
The Guardian
You say you don’t want to consult a lawyer, but I’m afraid there is no option if he’s refusing to sell, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Should we buy our 10-year-old daughter a smartphone? 7 Apr 2018, 4:00am Should we buy our 10-year-old daughter a smartphone?
The Guardian
Say no for now, but she can have one at high school if you think she is mature enough, says Annalisa Barbieri
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I’m depressed about the vanilla sex I have with my wife | Ask Annalisa Barbieri 31 Mar 2018, 4:00am I’m depressed about the vanilla sex I have with my wife | Ask Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
It’s very much all about you and what you’re not getting, says Annalisa Barbieri. But she seems to have the power and it might be that when you’re about to leave that she listens
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Should I have a baby to please my dying mother? 24 Mar 2018, 5:00am Should I have a baby to please my dying mother?
The Guardian
You need to step back when you feel so overwhelmed, says Annalisa Barbieri
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Should I contact my abusive father? 17 Mar 2018, 5:00am Should I contact my abusive father?
The Guardian
My dad was volatile and his mother sexually abused me, but is it my duty to get back in touch? No, says Annalisa Barbieri, only see him if you want to
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10 Mar 2018, 3:59am Since her cancer diagnosis, my sister seems furious with me
The Guardian
It’s not fair, but your sister probably feels life hasn’t been very fair lately. Leave the door open, says Annalisa Barbieri
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3 Mar 2018, 4:00am My small penis has ruined my life
The Guardian
Rather than blame your genitalia for everything that’s gone wrong, says Annalisa Barbieri, try to work out where the real problem lies
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I’m 17 and my parents control me and want me to conform – what can I do? 24 Feb 2018, 4:00am I’m 17 and my parents control me and want me to conform – what can I do?
The Guardian
You are not going to make them change, says Annalisa Barbieri, but education is your way out – it won’t always be like this
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Every time I visit my family, they body-shame me 17 Feb 2018, 4:00am Every time I visit my family, they body-shame me
The Guardian
I have been through something similar, says Annalisa Barbieri. Try joking it off – or face the problem head on
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My teenage daughter is embarrassed by the car we’re giving her for her birthday 10 Feb 2018, 3:59am My teenage daughter is embarrassed by the car we’re giving her for her birthday
The Guardian
It’s not cool enough and it’s the wrong colour. I think she’s being ungrateful but am I out of touch? No, says Annalisa Barbieri, but let her make her own mistakes
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3 Feb 2018, 4:00am My sister and I don’t get on – and our parents don’t help
The Guardian
Your parents seem to have fuelled the resentment – try talking away from your mother, says Annalisa Barbieri
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He’s 12 and he’s just discovered internet porn 27 Jan 2018, 4:00am He’s 12 and he’s just discovered internet porn
The Guardian
Protective software is not the solution, says Annalisa Barbieri. Far better to have a discussion with him instead
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29 Dec 2017, 10:00am My brother hurt me, and I want to cut contact, but Mum’s will left money issues
The Guardian
My manipulative, abusive brother got Mum to alter her will in his favour. I want to cut off from him. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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22 Dec 2017, 10:00am I love my boyfriend, but he twists things so they seem like my fault
The Guardian
I want to spend my life with him, but our constant arguments make me feel sad and like a shell of myself. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My life has become a battle with my husband, my mother and my daughter 15 Dec 2017, 9:59am My life has become a battle with my husband, my mother and my daughter
The Guardian
My husband is a binge-drinker who has had an affair, my mother maligns me and my daughter ignores any boundaries I set. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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1 Dec 2017, 10:00am My son has been watching programmes about Nazis and serial killers
The Guardian
He has an explosive temper and his viewing habits make me worry about how deep his anger is. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My relationship with my parents has always been difficult and I wonder if I should cut all ties? 24 Nov 2017, 10:00am My relationship with my parents has always been difficult and I wonder if I should cut all ties?
The Guardian
My mother was emotionally distant, my father and I fought, and I attempted suicide in my teens. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My partner has been leading a secret sex life 17 Nov 2017, 9:59am My partner has been leading a secret sex life
The Guardian
He has confessed to going to sex parties to meet other partners. Am I nuts to stay with him? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My sister is a harsh and controlling mother with one of her adopted children 10 Nov 2017, 10:00am My sister is a harsh and controlling mother with one of her adopted children
The Guardian
She is the best aunt and worships her younger daughter, but she is far too strict with the elder child, who has become angry and unhappy. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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Since breaking up with my girlfriend, I worry I will never find another partner 3 Nov 2017, 11:00am Since breaking up with my girlfriend, I worry I will never find another partner
The Guardian
I am plagued by a sense that my loneliness might be terminal and that love and romance will pass me by. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My husband wants to downsize, but I fear losing the rock of my home 27 Oct 2017, 10:00am My husband wants to downsize, but I fear losing the rock of my home
The Guardian
He wants to sell up and use the cash for our retirement and children, but the house is hugely important to me. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’m torn between my girlfriend and my ex. I don’t know what to do 20 Oct 2017, 10:00am I’m torn between my girlfriend and my ex. I don’t know what to do
The Guardian
I’m drawn to both women in different ways and want to settle down. But I can’t make a choice. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My brother bullied me growing up, but my parents denied it happened 6 Oct 2017, 10:00am My brother bullied me growing up, but my parents denied it happened
The Guardian
I have severed links with my brother and refused to see my mother for two years. But I feel guilty. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My mother died a year ago and I’m worried I will have to support my father 29 Sep 2017, 10:00am My mother died a year ago and I’m worried I will have to support my father
The Guardian
My fiancee and I recently had a baby and I think this has made me reflect on my parents’ loveless marriage. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My young daughter constantly misses her grandparents 22 Sep 2017, 10:00am My young daughter constantly misses her grandparents
The Guardian
She has always loved the remote island where her dad’s family live, but is starting to miss it with great intensity. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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Should I tell my adult daughter that the man she calls Dad may not be her father? 15 Sep 2017, 10:00am Should I tell my adult daughter that the man she calls Dad may not be her father?
The Guardian
I want to be honest with her, but I don’t want to ruin our relationship. And I don’t know whether her father is my ex-husband or a friend of his. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My niece, aged 10, hardly eats, hiding or throwing away her food 8 Sep 2017, 10:00am My niece, aged 10, hardly eats, hiding or throwing away her food
The Guardian
She has always been picky, but is now withdrawn at mealtimes and nervous at the prospect of eating. I am concerned for her mental and physical health, and also that of her younger sister. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’ve told my mum I’m transgender, but she ignored it. What now? 1 Sep 2017, 10:00am I’ve told my mum I’m transgender, but she ignored it. What now?
The Guardian
At first she made me promise to ‘stop being trans’ but now acts as if I never told her – and I daren’t tell my dad. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My brother was jailed for abusing his daughter. Now she says it was all lies 18 Aug 2017, 10:00am My brother was jailed for abusing his daughter. Now she says it was all lies
The Guardian
She has contacted me to say she is sorry. My brother refuses to see her, but she wants to see our mother, her grandmother. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My father only contacts me on social media, where he shows me contempt. I feel bullied | Annalisa Barbieri 11 Aug 2017, 9:59am My father only contacts me on social media, where he shows me contempt. I feel bullied | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
He has always been bullish and uncommunicative, and he has no friends. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I don’t want to leave my husband but I feel suffocated and am having an affair 4 Aug 2017, 10:00am I don’t want to leave my husband but I feel suffocated and am having an affair
The Guardian
My relationship with my husband feels more like one between mother and son than between equals. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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Flying terrifies me, but my daughter lives abroad and wants me to visit her 28 Jul 2017, 10:00am Flying terrifies me, but my daughter lives abroad and wants me to visit her
The Guardian
My daughter has borderline personality disorder and wants me and her father to fly out to see her. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My partner is pressuring me for a second baby, but I can barely cope with the one we have 21 Jul 2017, 10:00am My partner is pressuring me for a second baby, but I can barely cope with the one we have
The Guardian
At 42, I feel time is running out to grow our family but feel terribly conflicted, anxious, guilty, and frightened. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I have thrown out my abusive partner, but he is poisoning our children against me 14 Jul 2017, 9:59am I have thrown out my abusive partner, but he is poisoning our children against me
The Guardian
I don’t know how my children and I will survive after he sells the home we live in. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I want my mum to help me parent my son but she refuses to help 7 Jul 2017, 9:59am I want my mum to help me parent my son but she refuses to help
The Guardian
I’m a single mum living with my mother, and it’s destroying our relationship. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I don’t want to invite my father to my wedding but feel coerced into doing so 30 Jun 2017, 9:59am I don’t want to invite my father to my wedding but feel coerced into doing so
The Guardian
He was horrible to my sister and me and bullied my mum, who is no longer with him. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My teenage granddaughter is in a miserable state. She has lost hope 23 Jun 2017, 9:59am My teenage granddaughter is in a miserable state. She has lost hope
The Guardian
Her self-esteem is at rock bottom and when at home she mostly stays in her room. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My parents moved to a new area after my mother retired and now she is really isolated 16 Jun 2017, 10:00am My parents moved to a new area after my mother retired and now she is really isolated
The Guardian
She is in her 50s and has always been happy and busy. Now, though, my dad is at work all day and she has struggled to meet new friends. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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How can I develop true self-confidence? 9 Jun 2017, 9:59am How can I develop true self-confidence?
The Guardian
As a child, I was criticised and never given love. The past has hindered my life. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My husband wants a divorce after 30 years. What do I tell our two adult children? 26 May 2017, 10:00am My husband wants a divorce after 30 years. What do I tell our two adult children?
The Guardian
He says he stuck around until they left home to protect them from a messy split – and I knew we were incompatible once we had finished raising our family. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My husband and I can’t agree on where we should live 19 May 2017, 10:00am My husband and I can’t agree on where we should live
The Guardian
He works away from home during the week and wants us to move near to his job. It would be better for him and our children, but I’m really torn. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’ve fallen in love with a colleague – but I’m married with children 12 May 2017, 10:00am I’ve fallen in love with a colleague – but I’m married with children
The Guardian
I can’t stop thinking about her – what should I do? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’m childless and lonely. I feel moving would help, but my husband isn’t keen 5 May 2017, 10:00am I’m childless and lonely. I feel moving would help, but my husband isn’t keen
The Guardian
IVF failed and I’m on antidepressants, and I yearn to live somewhere calm and peaceful. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My friend got with her boyfriend after he cheated on my sister – should I snub their wedding? 28 Apr 2017, 10:00am My friend got with her boyfriend after he cheated on my sister – should I snub their wedding?
The Guardian
Before they got engaged, he had a secret relationship with my sibling. Should I suck it up or stay loyal to my family? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’m looking for a partner who is exciting and my equal – without success. Am I the problem? 21 Apr 2017, 10:01am I’m looking for a partner who is exciting and my equal – without success. Am I the problem?
The Guardian
I’m 55, self-contained and confident – but everyone I meet seems too needy or too dull. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My boyfriend won’t marry me, even though we plan to start a family 14 Apr 2017, 10:00am My boyfriend won’t marry me, even though we plan to start a family
The Guardian
While he refuses to marry, I’m having tantrums of unexplained anger. Can this impasse be resolved, or do we need to split up? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My teenage cousin is having a crisis, but her mother won’t get her the help she needs 7 Apr 2017, 10:00am My teenage cousin is having a crisis, but her mother won’t get her the help she needs
The Guardian
I had mental health problems as a teen and my cousin’s mother is acting the same way mine did. I fear that history will repeat itself. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I wish I could be more interested in sex with my partner of 20 years 24 Mar 2017, 11:00am I wish I could be more interested in sex with my partner of 20 years
The Guardian
He is petrified of having his advances rejected, and I would like counselling to dispel negative thoughts related to sex. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My boyfriend and I have great sex, but sometimes I wonder if that is all we have 17 Mar 2017, 10:59am My boyfriend and I have great sex, but sometimes I wonder if that is all we have
The Guardian
He doesn’t want children and I am mostly resigned to that and would prefer to have someone in my life. But I worry that I am just settling, or using him. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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How can I explain to my children the rift with my mother, whose partner abused me? 10 Mar 2017, 10:01am How can I explain to my children the rift with my mother, whose partner abused me?
The Guardian
I don’t know how to explain that a child would not wish to be in contact with their own mother. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My sister helped me to escape our family – now she’s abandoned me 3 Mar 2017, 10:00am My sister helped me to escape our family – now she’s abandoned me
The Guardian
I used to spend a lot of time with her and her children, but I feel she has lost interest in me since I moved away and married. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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A friend is flirting with my husband. She cheats on all her partners, so I don’t trust her 17 Feb 2017, 9:59am A friend is flirting with my husband. She cheats on all her partners, so I don’t trust her
The Guardian
I find it hard to believe any man would not want sex with her, but won’t confront her unless she goes further. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’ve fallen for a man who has lost his wife but he no longer wants to see me 10 Feb 2017, 10:00am I’ve fallen for a man who has lost his wife but he no longer wants to see me
The Guardian
After three months together, he suddenly called it off saying that he wasn’t ready to move on. I’m devastated – what should I do? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My estranged father wants to get in touch, but I don’t want to see him 3 Feb 2017, 10:00am My estranged father wants to get in touch, but I don’t want to see him
The Guardian
My parents separated when I was young, and I stopped visiting him when I was 10: he made me feel unwanted. Later, I was told he abused my mum. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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27 Jan 2017, 9:59am Should I break off my long-distance relationship?
The Guardian
My boyfriend lives 1,500 miles away and won’t move to be near me. I won’t move to be near him. Can we go on like this? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My husband’s parents just don’t seem to care about family divisions 13 Jan 2017, 10:00am My husband’s parents just don’t seem to care about family divisions
The Guardian
Our children have never met some of their aunts and uncles on my husband’s side of the family. What can we do to repair relationships? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My husband often goes on holiday and leaves me with our child 6 Jan 2017, 10:00am My husband often goes on holiday and leaves me with our child
The Guardian
We live abroad and have no family support. I think he’s terribly selfish but when I complain, he thinks I’m being unreasonable. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My dad is cross-dressing and Mum is bitter. What can I do to help? 30 Dec 2016, 10:00am My dad is cross-dressing and Mum is bitter. What can I do to help?
The Guardian
I’ve pleaded with them to take some action, and said I’m their daughter, not their counsellor. But the state of their relationship has become horrific. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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My brother, who lives at home, is abusive to my mum. I worry he’ll hit her 23 Dec 2016, 10:00am My brother, who lives at home, is abusive to my mum. I worry he’ll hit her
The Guardian
He is 40, has no money or friends, but won’t take any responsibility for his life, always playing the victim. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’m 27 and single, and am feeling isolated and anxious about the future | Annalisa Barbieri 16 Dec 2016, 10:00am I’m 27 and single, and am feeling isolated and anxious about the future | Annalisa Barbieri
The Guardian
Many friends are in relationships, and I worry we have nothing in common. I know I have a lot of life left to live, but I feel dread about what is coming next. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’m desperately unhappy with my family. Should I leave home and cut ties? 9 Dec 2016, 10:00am I’m desperately unhappy with my family. Should I leave home and cut ties?
The Guardian
Living with my parents to pay off university debts is exhausting me. Am I being spoilt? Part of me no longer cares. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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We live together, but my sister and I are like strangers 2 Dec 2016, 10:00am We live together, but my sister and I are like strangers
The Guardian
We seem so different now that we are adults, and I long for a return to the closeness we had as children. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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I’ve just discovered that my adored dad, who is now dead, had an affair 25 Nov 2016, 10:00am I’ve just discovered that my adored dad, who is now dead, had an affair
The Guardian
My skin crawls to think that my father’s blood runs in my veins and I’m afraid to talk about my discovery with my mother. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader
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